Ready for The Journey: Getting the most out of therapy
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination”
Carl Rogers
Successful therapy cannot claim its definition within just a single concept; it is founded on a wonderful complexity, and is subjectively defined to the elements the client and therapist decide success to be.
Breaking addiction, overcoming grief/loss, championing confidence, deciding to trust again, and managing trauma make up just a few aspects needed to claim that success was achieved. In my practice, the initial mission is for us to quickly discover the swirl of goals waiting for you along the way of your therapy journey.
However, figuring it all out may not be so easy for some who come to me for help. And I get it. That is why this article addresses the keys of success that have allowed my clients to access direction towards the good life. And who better than my clients to (anonymously) share with us how they get the most out of their therapy? They are the ones doing the hard work, after all!
“The number one piece of advice I can give is to make sure to find a therapist that makes you feel comfortable. Don’t be afraid to try a few different therapists. The more comfortable we are with our therapist, the more honest, candid and vulnerable we can be. The more honest, candid and vulnerable we can be during sessions, the more invested we become in our own journey to better mental emotional health. The more invested we become, the more likely we are to leave each session with a sense of purpose for moving forward.” D.G.
Within a few steps, he connects comfort in the relationship with investment in self. That’s amazing! This person stresses one of the most crucial aspects of effective therapy: Finding the right fit, and building a meaningful therapeutic alliance. Sometimes a person schedules an initial consultation and the fit is perfect. Congratulations! You won the therapist lottery! But there will be times when you need to plan to meet with a few different therapists in order to assess who has the potential to make you feel the most comfortable. Luckily, it is typically within a few minutes of meeting that you can make an accurate assessment of your therapist.
Pro Tip: Reach out to a few therapists asking if they would be willing to have a brief phone conversation. Have a few questions prepared about the therapist’s counseling style and background, and allow that interaction to speak to your intuition for whether or not it would be worth an in-person consultation.
“Leading up to an appointment I write down things I want to talk about. I also have to be super honest with myself, even if it’s something I’m not proud about, so that I can become better.
During- I, again, am honest and I ask for Rob to hold me accountable. I take notes that I can refer back to. I also try to problem solve out loud so that he can help me and see the direction I’m going.
After- I read over my notes and make a plan for the time In between our sessions. I make mental notes and tangible list of things I need to do, based on our conversation. In certain circumstances, I think to myself “if Rob knew this, what would he want me to do” or “what’s something Rob would tell me” C.D.
In this second piece from another client, note the use of “Before/During/After” components. This is a critical approach to getting more out of therapy as it causes the work of the therapeutic session to exist between meetings. Any project that we want to see have success requires this method of thinking. For example, this weekend I am smoking a brisket for the first time. My preliminary research on how to do it right quickly revealed that I needed to give respectful considerations to not only the heating phase of cooking, but also the lead up and the resting phases once the cooking is done. I would have been headed for a picnic disaster had I simply wanted to throw food on the fire and then eat it right away. But I digress…
Pro Tip: Write it out. Any of it. All of it. Some of it. My most successful clients engage writing their thoughts on a near daily basis. And this is not simply journaling, but any pedestrian form of getting our thoughts written out will do. We gain a sense of control with our internal cognitive world when we take time to make thoughts tangible and interactive. To me, it is akin to the difference between creating a song with lyrics in your mind and actually playing it. We get to fine tune the melody and the lyrics once they are given life.
I would like to end with a longer response from another client who I asked to participate in this writing. He suggested I could pick and pluck his words, but I think editing these responses would only take away from the depth that these three participants possess. The following is from a young man who I consider to be a person who has and continues to “beat the odds”:
“You know, I was always intrigued by therapy but never took that first step to do it. A trusted friend finally nudged me to at least try it out during a very tough time I was having and gave great feedback to his own therapy journey. Hearing someone else directly going through it made me finally jump. And I'm glad I did.
I read the words one day that "Therapy is tough" and I learned early on what that meant. To me, therapy is not a buddy/buddy situation where you just come in and have fun and smile. If that is how your session ends then that is fantastic! But I can't/won't get into any thoughts that if I'm not beaming a smile a the end that it wasn't a successful session.
I look at therapy as a challenge for the mind. A mental gym. We spend so much time working on our physical beings in a gym or running outside or at a yoga class...but what type of strength training are we doing for our brains? This is where therapy comes in.
I look at therapy as the foundation to your mental house. A cracked foundation (scattered or negative mindsets) can ruin the whole house. Therapy isn't the the whole house, but it is the base that we work on to keep the entire house stable.
I look at therapy as the surrounding border to a jigsaw puzzle. Helping to keep that border intact helps one be able to place more and more pieces in the right spot after some evaluation of the puzzle progress to eventually get closer and closer to being and feeling complete.
I look at therapy as the Choose Your Own Adventure path. Your life and story is the book, your therapist is there to help make sense of the story so that you can choose which path you want to go down... not the path you feel you have to go due to thoughts that don't align with your goals.
The things that have helped me make the most out of therapy has been...
HONESTY. Not only to your therapist but to yourself. Be honest about your problems, your negative mindsets, your fears. This is your session. The more you unveil, the better you will feel and the more your therapist has to understand you and help guide you.
ACTION. The comfort zone is a deadly place. It's the area that prevents growth and can create many stagnant years that you look back on with regret. How many stories have you heard from someone older who had regrets of not doing things in life? You don't have to go crazy, some some progress of pushing the comfort zone little by little is better than not even trying.
EVALUATING SUCCESS. I'm a very metric-heavy sensed person due to my career path. I used to evaluate personal success by either a concrete win or loss. Emotions and well being isn't so black and white. Every situation has some learning experience that you can use to make your future better.
TRUST. If you and your therapist click, you've got to have some trust in some of the guidance they give you, even if you don't think you can do it. Even if you aren't ready for that step, learn to thing about it and maybe why they are asking you to go that path. You might have your answer later down the therapy path.
THE NEVER ENDING JOURNEY. For me, I don't look at therapy as this thing that's going to answer a piece of my life and be good. Remember the mental gym. If I were to stop working out, muscle may slowly atrophy and I think of the mind the same way. I like to be challenged and learn something new about myself every session. There are always going to be new experiences that make you think - even if it's your own life or something in the news or world that makes you question something. This is not a roller coaster that ends. This is a hike through the Himalayas.” H.N.
Wow. Prior to his breakdown of his five axis of success, he wields metaphors to allow for a richer conceptualization of his therapy. This creative practice encourages a fuller way of understanding our role within the therapeutic process. Use of metaphors creates a private, sacred space for just you and your therapist. A place where you measure your successes, regressions, healing, and growth.
What will be your metaphor? Let us know some of your thoughts in the comments section.
-Rob Raborn, LPC
If you are interested in scheduling your first appointment with Rob or any of our other clinicians please give us a call at 540-699-0226, send us an email at info@resiliencecounseling.care or visit our website at www.resiliencecounseling.care